Why?

In the last 2 years I have spent a great deal of time thinking about suffering. I need to make that clear that by no means do my experiences fall in the category of ‘persecution’. However they have certainly caused me to question what the biblical perspective on suffering is and just what, if anything, God is trying to achieve through my illness.

Why? Why me? What have I done to deserve this? What’s wrong with me? Doesn’t God love me? If he does love me, why doesn’t he do something? Are you there God? Are you listening?
These are some of the questions I asked myself in the early days – and these are the questions to which I return in my darker moments.

Logically I know that I have done nothing to deserve this - my illness is caused by a chemical disorder in the brain – that is thought to have a strong genetic component and may be “set off” by environmental factors such as experiences, stressors etc. I certainly have learnt a lot about Bipolar – enough to say it is indeed an illness, in the same way as diabetes or rheumatoid arthritis is an illness.

That knowledge however does not negate my need to ask God “Why?”

I’m not sure that these conclusions are correct but….If God is sovereign, then He, at the least ‘allows’ suffering. If God is loving, then our suffering is not in vain. If God’s main purpose is to bring glory to Himself, then our suffering must in some way bring Him glory – either by conforming us to the image of God or in some other indirect way.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.

Lamentations 3:38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?

Romans 8: 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Is suffering, as some suggest, a tool God uses to get our attention and to accomplish His purposes in our lives?

One thing of which I am sure, as various aspects of my life get stripped away, my illness is teaching me to turn from trusting in my own strength and abilities, to relying more on God’s mercies.

More on this later - you can pretty much count on it.