Monday 25 June 2007
The power of the tongue
Ephesians 4:29 'Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.'
I have been challenged to see that communication is a gift from God. My words can be used to encourage others or build another person up or can be used to hurt, cut down or destroy another. With God's grace I hope to tame my harsh tongue, my sarcasm and my language.
I have been challenged to see that communication is a gift from God. My words can be used to encourage others or build another person up or can be used to hurt, cut down or destroy another. With God's grace I hope to tame my harsh tongue, my sarcasm and my language.
Friday 22 June 2007
Focusing on the grace of God
It seems that one of the features of my illness is the tendancy to turn in on myself. Certainly selfishness is one aspect of that, but so is an intent focus on my own sinfulness. I am in such pain about not submitting fully to God nor serving Him. The pain is physical and acute. I want Him to say "Jill, you are a good and faithful servant" and the thought of disappointing Him just makes me weep.
This inward focus is manifested when I read the scriptures. I focus my attention on what the Word says about me (my sins) rather than what it says about God (his character).
Thanks to Phil B and Jason R for helping me to identify this issue - two wise, Godly men whom I am very blessed to have as friends.
Here is a classic example of a passage which does discuss the sins of God's people, but is really about the incredible, abundant grace of God.
Malachi 3: 6- 17 Robbing God
"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty.
"But you ask, 'How are we to return?'
"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me.
"But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty.
"You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD. "Yet you ask, 'What have we said against you?'
"You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "
Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.
"They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.
So, a challenge for me..... Focus on God. Fix my eyes on Jesus.
This inward focus is manifested when I read the scriptures. I focus my attention on what the Word says about me (my sins) rather than what it says about God (his character).
Thanks to Phil B and Jason R for helping me to identify this issue - two wise, Godly men whom I am very blessed to have as friends.
Here is a classic example of a passage which does discuss the sins of God's people, but is really about the incredible, abundant grace of God.
Malachi 3: 6- 17 Robbing God
"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty.
"But you ask, 'How are we to return?'
"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me.
"But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty.
"You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD. "Yet you ask, 'What have we said against you?'
"You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "
Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.
"They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.
So, a challenge for me..... Focus on God. Fix my eyes on Jesus.
Wednesday 20 June 2007
Maybe God can get into a sealed crate after all (see previous post)
Psalm 139
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Wednesday 13 June 2007
Trapped
Despair is a cage.
No, not a cage but a crate.
A sealed crate.
No light. No air.
No hope of escape.
I have no memory of sunshine or fresh breezes.
There is no room for God in my crate.
No room for even the hope that things will get better.
I am trapped. I am suffocating.
Tuesday 12 June 2007
The Upside to the Downside
Lately I have been thinking about the blessings which come from having a depressive illness. Three main spiritual blessings spring to mind:
1. Can those who have never experienced grief and despair, really know what happiness is? Do they long for the final coming of the kingdom with the same desperation and passion.
2. Can those 'happy shiny' Christians who have not dwelt in the depths of despair and may not felt the burden of their own sinfulness, fully appreciate the power of the cross and resurrection;
3. Can those who have praised God in good times, be aware of the depth of his mercy and grace in sustaining us in the dark times, when we doubt his very existence?
I would never wish ill-health on anyone. But I wonder, given the choice, would I now choose this path for myself. Probably not. In the depths of despair, when it seems God is absent, it is hard to trust that there is anything to be gained from the pain. But once the waters have subsided and dry land appears, I do not pray for healing. I believe God has much more to teach me and may reveal more of himself to me through my illness.
1. Can those who have never experienced grief and despair, really know what happiness is? Do they long for the final coming of the kingdom with the same desperation and passion.
2. Can those 'happy shiny' Christians who have not dwelt in the depths of despair and may not felt the burden of their own sinfulness, fully appreciate the power of the cross and resurrection;
3. Can those who have praised God in good times, be aware of the depth of his mercy and grace in sustaining us in the dark times, when we doubt his very existence?
I would never wish ill-health on anyone. But I wonder, given the choice, would I now choose this path for myself. Probably not. In the depths of despair, when it seems God is absent, it is hard to trust that there is anything to be gained from the pain. But once the waters have subsided and dry land appears, I do not pray for healing. I believe God has much more to teach me and may reveal more of himself to me through my illness.
Friday 8 June 2007
Jesus is the anchor for our soul
Hebrews 6:19-20 We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.Praise be to God for a faithful Christian offering this verse as a comfort to me at a time of need.
I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief.
A father's plea
His precious child writhes in pain.
Thrown to the ground,
Into water and into flame.
Oh take pity,
Help us teacher if you can.
Disappointment
How long shall I stay with you?
Do you not know
Everything is possible.
If you believe,
Bring the child here to me.
I do believe,
Help me with my disbelief.
Be patient God,
With my wavering and my doubts.
By your grace Lord,
May I trust you and obey.
His precious child writhes in pain.
Thrown to the ground,
Into water and into flame.
Oh take pity,
Help us teacher if you can.
Disappointment
How long shall I stay with you?
Do you not know
Everything is possible.
If you believe,
Bring the child here to me.
I do believe,
Help me with my disbelief.
Be patient God,
With my wavering and my doubts.
By your grace Lord,
May I trust you and obey.
Thursday 7 June 2007
Unformed thoughts about submission
So this whole business of submitting to God - my thinking so far is that I must believe God is faithful, must trust that his plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, must permit him to guide me and must yield to him in every moment of every day.
As I said in an earlier post, I have felt convicted not to pray for healing but to pray that I would submit my whole self to God that I may be used to bring him glory. My illness forms part of my whole self and in order to submit to God, there are aspects of my depression and hypomania I must actively strive to control. By God's grace I must avoid the sins of self-indulgence, the sins of excess, the sins of self-pity and the sins of laziness and instead turn to God's word for guidance and rebuke .
It's easy to say "Take me Father Use me Father I am yours", but what about when it's uncomfortable, when it takes effort, when it's hard, when it makes me cry, when I just can't do it anymore. What then???
Then I must go to bed and wake up the next morning and say "Take me Father Use me Father I am yours"
There is however one aspect of Bipolar Disorder that I'm not sure about. I don't know whether I should be submitting this to God. For want of a better term it's the "dark night of the soul". A state I have found myself in which I can only describe as the panicked desperation of knowing the absence of anything good. No presence of God. No promises of renewed grace and mercy in the morning. I find it hard to believe that the thoughts, visions and plans which come in this state are from God. They are certainly a sign of an unwell mind, but are they also a sign of some spiritual warfare?
It's getting late so tonight I just pray...... Dear Father, Because of your love for me do not allow me to be consumed, Please renew your mercies tomorrow to allow me to say "Take me Father Use me Father, I am yours".
As I said in an earlier post, I have felt convicted not to pray for healing but to pray that I would submit my whole self to God that I may be used to bring him glory. My illness forms part of my whole self and in order to submit to God, there are aspects of my depression and hypomania I must actively strive to control. By God's grace I must avoid the sins of self-indulgence, the sins of excess, the sins of self-pity and the sins of laziness and instead turn to God's word for guidance and rebuke .
It's easy to say "Take me Father Use me Father I am yours", but what about when it's uncomfortable, when it takes effort, when it's hard, when it makes me cry, when I just can't do it anymore. What then???
Then I must go to bed and wake up the next morning and say "Take me Father Use me Father I am yours"
There is however one aspect of Bipolar Disorder that I'm not sure about. I don't know whether I should be submitting this to God. For want of a better term it's the "dark night of the soul". A state I have found myself in which I can only describe as the panicked desperation of knowing the absence of anything good. No presence of God. No promises of renewed grace and mercy in the morning. I find it hard to believe that the thoughts, visions and plans which come in this state are from God. They are certainly a sign of an unwell mind, but are they also a sign of some spiritual warfare?
It's getting late so tonight I just pray...... Dear Father, Because of your love for me do not allow me to be consumed, Please renew your mercies tomorrow to allow me to say "Take me Father Use me Father, I am yours".
Monday 4 June 2007
One of the saddest verses in the bible
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Cold day in forest (Grief for my late friend Ivan) by Tomáš Pačes Genesis 6: 5- 7 The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. So the LORD said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth—men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air—for I am grieved that I have made them."
Oh how we must cause pain to our Father when the thoughts of our heart are evil all the time. Lord God, help me to live as you would have me live. I long for you to delight in me as your daughter, not grieve that you have made me.
Sunday 3 June 2007
Saturday 2 June 2007
You are not your own
A week ago during a time of group prayer, I prayed that God would give me the courage and grace to submit my illness to Him - to lay my doubts, worries, hopes and dreams before him, trusting that He will use them for his own purposes.
Now I find I have to unpack the idea of submission more, in order to live it out day by day.
Submission seems almost counter-intuitive - our culture values independence and individual skill levels so highly, that submission is often seen to be a sign of weakness. However the Bible's view of submission is in stark contrast with this. The Bible tells us that we are not strong enough to stand on our own. We need God to guide us. Biblical submission occurs when we allow God to be our guide.
Three verses appear to be particularly pertinent to my struggles....
Ephesians 5:1-2 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
1 Corinthians 6: 19 - 20 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
When we allow God to be our guide, we trust that He is sovereign and we know that he will guide us safely home.
Now I find I have to unpack the idea of submission more, in order to live it out day by day.
Submission seems almost counter-intuitive - our culture values independence and individual skill levels so highly, that submission is often seen to be a sign of weakness. However the Bible's view of submission is in stark contrast with this. The Bible tells us that we are not strong enough to stand on our own. We need God to guide us. Biblical submission occurs when we allow God to be our guide.
Three verses appear to be particularly pertinent to my struggles....
Ephesians 5:1-2 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
1 Corinthians 6: 19 - 20 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
When we allow God to be our guide, we trust that He is sovereign and we know that he will guide us safely home.
I would like to talk more about this in later posts and would certainly appreciate any comments or advice.
Friday 1 June 2007
Suffering as an essential part of the tapestry of the universe
I have read so many excellent posts on suffering recently - so many helpful insights. I am also reading Suffering and the Sovereignty of God (Piper and Taylor, 2006) and would like to share a short passage which is helping me to understand why suffering is in the world.
"I believe the entire universe exists to display the greatness of the glory of the grace of God....The glory of God shines most brightly, most fully, most beautifully in the manifestation of the glory of hs grace. Therefore, this is the ultimate aim and the final explanaion of all things - including suffering... Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came in the flesh to suffer and die and by that suffering and death, to save undeserving sinners like you and me. This coming to suffer and die is the supreme manifestation of the greatness of the glory of the grace of God.
Suffering is an essential part of the weaving of the tapestry of the universe so that the weaving of grace can be seen for what it really is."
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