Focusing on the grace of God

It seems that one of the features of my illness is the tendancy to turn in on myself. Certainly selfishness is one aspect of that, but so is an intent focus on my own sinfulness. I am in such pain about not submitting fully to God nor serving Him. The pain is physical and acute. I want Him to say "Jill, you are a good and faithful servant" and the thought of disappointing Him just makes me weep.


This inward focus is manifested when I read the scriptures. I focus my attention on what the Word says about me (my sins) rather than what it says about God (his character).

Thanks to Phil B and Jason R for helping me to identify this issue - two wise, Godly men whom I am very blessed to have as friends.


Here is a classic example of a passage which does discuss the sins of God's people, but is really about the incredible, abundant grace of God.


Malachi 3: 6- 17 Robbing God

"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty.
"But you ask, 'How are we to return?'
"Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me.
"But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty.
"You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD. "Yet you ask, 'What have we said against you?'
"You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "
Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.
"They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.



So, a challenge for me..... Focus on God. Fix my eyes on Jesus.