So you've got my attention God. Now what?

After concluding that suffering might be a tool God uses to get our attention and to teach us to rely on him, I thought things would turn around once I’d learnt the lesson and passed the test.

What lesson did I have to learn? In what area did I need to be broken? Reliance on my own abilities. Confidence in my own skills. Pride.

It’s certainly clear from numerous passages through the bible that God abhors pride.
Psalm 31:23 The Lord preserves the faithful but the proud he pays back in full
Psalm 101:5 Whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart I will not endure
Proverbs 8:13 To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behaviour and perverse speech
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall
Isaiah 25:11 God will bring down their pride despite the cleverness of their hands.
Daniel 4:37 And those who walk in pride he is able to humble
1 Corinthians 8:2-3 Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who knows God is known by God.
James 1:9 The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position . But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

I don’t think it would be too far a stretch to say that pride is the sin God hates most. Original sin might be considered to have been borne out of pride. Whether you agree with my conclusions regarding pride or not, it has certainly been the source of the greatest distance between me and my God.

There are have been many many private and public ‘humiliations’ over the past two years. Plenty of opportunity for God to teach me, to break me.
Jill’s top 5 public humiliations:
1. Turning up to work so stoned on prescription medication that I couldn’t form a sentence, couldn’t walk without holding onto the wall and couldn’t operate my computer
2. Falling over outside David Jones and having to get security to put me in a taxi
3. Having to decide what was worse – people thinking I had got a bad 80s perm by choice or telling people that my hair had suddenly become curly through some weird medication side effect
4. Some random guy in a pizza shop telling me he felt sorry for me because the 3 friends with me were attractive and I was ugly.
5. Having to be ‘relieved’ of my position filling the little communion cups mid-church service after spilling juice all over the white tablecloth due to medication induced hand tremor.
Believe me when I say the private humiliations have been a lot less humourous!

So that was that right? Get broken! Get humble! Rely on God! Move on.
Surely then God would be ready to get down to the serious business of using me to further his kingdom, allowing me to serve him in the way I expected………..

I wish!!!!…………. More later