Trusting in God's love

Why do I find it so hard to trust in God’s love for me?

I remember even at the moment of my conversion I was afraid - afraid that God would let go of me. On many, many occasions since then, God has proven himself to be faithful. He has shown that his grasp on me is strong - that even when I reject him, he stays by my side.
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." John 10:27-28.

But still I doubt...

What if I finally make it home to find the Father not eagerly awaiting my return?
What if instead of welcoming me in he says 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' (Matthew 25: 41-43)

Author Henri Nouwen suggests that surrendering to the Father's love requires a leap of faith because we have very little experience in unconditional love and don't know the healing power of this kind of love.

I have been blessed by the most wonderful loving family and some amazing friends. I know I am well loved. But is this human love conditional or more importantly do I believe it is conditional.

What about God?
God knows everything about me. Nothing is hidden from him.
Psalm 139: 1-4 “ O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.”

God is holy. He abhors sin. So how can he see beyond the pretence and look at the evil in my heart yet still love me.

Intellectually I know that the answer to this question is found at the foot of the cross.

"I do believe. Help me to overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:24)