This week I celebrated my 4th anniversary as a Christian. As I re-listen to the sermon through which I was converted, and re-read the subsequent letter I sent to my friend Jaime, who preached that day, there is much to contemplate.
It is near impossible to separate my spiritual journey from my illness. My diagnosis of Bipolar Affective Disorder shattered my concept of self and my place in the world, and dramatically altered my experience of God.
In my letter to Jaime, I wrote "I used to think that one had to earn salvation and that God tallied up our sins and other good deeds to decide whether we 'got in' or not. This ridiculous notion meant that I could never win God's love because my sinfulness always overpowered any good... The whole idea of grace is new to me, you see."
It's ironic, the works based mentality that kept me from relationship with God for so long, is still the thing struggle with.
I "work" hard at church and go to doctrine lectures to memorise "Simul justus et peccator". One may well ask has anything changed in four years?
Ultimately I must ask the question, can God accept a broken, subnormal woman, whose only thoughts are evil all the time, to be his child?
NAVIGATING LIFE AS A CHRISTIAN WITH BIPOLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER
Favourite Quote
- "Life is hard. God is good." John Piper
Words of Encouragement
"God gives even what he demands."
Augustine
Augustine
Other blogs to visit
PERSON FIRST, ILLNESS LAST
Bipolar Disorder is the name used to describe a set of conditions where the individual experiences mood swings between two opposite poles. Bipolar Disorder used to be known as 'manic depression'.
The highs of Bipolar Disorder are called mania or hypomania. The lows are called depression. Occasionally people can experience a mixture of both highs and lows at the same time giving a mixed picture (also called mixed state)
With the right treatment, most people with Bipolar Disorder are able, to varying extents, to live normal and productive lives.
Websites I visit
Scripture
- 2 Corinthians 12: 8-10 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
- Hosea 2: 14 -15, 23 "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards and will the make the Valley of Achor a door of hope...I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one'. I will say to those called 'Not my people' 'You are my people' and they will say 'You are my God'."
- Ezekiel 27: 4-6 Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.' "
- Luke 18:16 But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
- Matthew 8:26 He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
- Psalm 88 But I cry to you for help, O Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you. Why oh Lord do you reject me and hide your face from me?
- Lamentations 3: 22-23 Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness
- John 10: 27-30 reassurance
1 comment:
Yes God can, and has accepted you, because of the worth of Christ.
"subnormal" is not a right word to use about any human being. Brokeness, sinfulness, need, dependency... this is what being a human being after the fall looks like. Any other idea of humanity is illusion.
But thanks be to God that we are being remade in the image of Christ by the holy spirit.
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